FangedSeth

Well I enrolled in a Game Art and Design program at a local college. So I hope it is worth it and that I can find a job in the field in a couple of years.

With the spring semester behind me I'm excited to get some time to draw things I want to draw with new skills! I feel like I learned a lot from life drawing (and man did I need that) and I made some neat little graphics and got a little bit of practice in with acrylic paints. Good times.

I also have a job interview tomorrow, so with some luck (and good acting) I could possibly be less poor soon! Also discount tea. Possibly. (It would be nice.)

I'll upload some things soon. Until next time, bye!

Classes yesterday and the day before. I am taking under half the hours I would need to in order to be considered a "full-time student" so I am only taking two classes, two days a week.

I'm still green enough that I go "yay I don't have to buy any textbooks" but then I go to the first class meetings and I get the materials lists and I cry a little. My first professor said, no joke, "it's cheaper than buying a book. In fact, you can fill this list with around $70." That sounds like book price to me- but maybe I've just gotten lucky with all of my classes so far. So I just blew around $200 on materials for the semester + some marker pads because I want to try them and get the "real" marker coloring experience.

In Design (which I am already in love with) I had a chance to talk with a girl who was in one of my courses last semester. She complimented me, saying that she always liked my work in that class and that it was quite creative while downplaying her own. I was thinking "me? Creative? That's some news XD."

My other class is life drawing and both classes seem to have a pretty pleasant, casual atmosphere to them as well as helpful professors. I hope and think I will learn a whole lot this semester even if I won't end up with a whole lot of credits to show for it. That is really a lot more valuable to me than the credits but I really DO need to get on top of this money situation.

New Year's resolutions are for losers. And hey, I made one anyhow: draw moar (and be more serious about it, too.)

I'm not so down anymore so I am just going to mention everything I've been doing because I can I guess (hey keeping a journal suddenly doesn't seem as stupid as I used to think it was.)

Had a chance to hang out with one of my best friends and his girl this new year's and instead I stayed home and watched The Walking Dead season 3 marathon. No regrets.

Beat ACII too and I am pretty much daunted by the time I'd have to spend catching up on the stupid story. Will probably just buy ACIII when it is down to $20 or so because I am poor just so I can assassinate George Washington and feel good about myself. I don't even know when I started liking violence in my entertainment. I used to be the sweetest kid (though I wasn't much bothered by animal violence or surgery videos or whatever.) I'm pretty much a product of my violence-desensitized culture (though to be fair I'm not afraid of actual human bodies either.) Back to AC, I will be all over Watch Dogs when that comes out because it just looks amazing to me. I think I just love actual stealth games. And uh, murder in my games.

I still want to do comics and I am years and years away from being able to do what I'd like but hey, I don't mind. Today I did artists.pixelovely.com/practic… until my arm hurt and then I took a break and went back and did it again until my arm hurt again. I feel pretty productive. Maybe it will help me ease into life drawing class in a couple of weeks. Anyone who doesn't take life drawing, check that out if you're serious. Or I don't know, maybe it's really not even nearly as awesome as a life drawing class. I've never taken life drawing. Feels like learning though.

On a more serious but still unimportant note, I have to be up in a few hours but I've drunk too much caffeine to sleep now anyway. Why? Gonna talk to my only grandmother who lives around here after a few years of not seeing her for reasons I don't feel like mentioning. I think it will be interesting because the last time I talked to her, I wasn't a guy. She is some way into her 70s so I don't expect her to understand. She is the kind of woman who pretends she did not hear you in order to avoid talking about things but I think she will have a very hard time pretending that I don't exist. XD

A year ago or so I would have thought that this would be extremely uncomfortable but since then I have become a lot more comfortable in my own skin so I think that at worst, it will only be entertaining. At best, heartwarming. Nothing she can say will make me change my mind about any of this.

I'm just all over the place today. Because you have to start somewhere, I am going to try to draw my DnD character's backstory into a comic (probably ten times more entertaining than any wall of text I could offer my partymates) and see how that goes. Maybe I'll upload it and maybe I won't, but I will definitely draw it. I don't upload a whole lot of what I draw because of the effort it takes.

Oh yeah I bought this and I'm waiting for it to ship. tinyurl.com/ax5m4j7 Maybe I'll hurt my back/neck/arm less while I draw or maybe I'll just have a really fancy waste of money in my room. Either way it is shiny and hey, who doesn't love shiny things? It is our nature.

Okay that's all of it. Thanks internet; you've been a great audience.

I'm depressed and I think it is the result of a lot of little things that, on their own, wouldn't be so bad. Listing them might make me feel better so I decided to do that.

- School isn't over yet. I don't have as many classes or as much work as a lot of other people but I still feel like I'm just out of energy. Maybe I just have less energy to go around than most other people or something.
- See signs of gingival recession that I noticed before and asked my dentist about and he said "that's okay, don't stop using your Sonicare because your gums aren't receding." I checked my mouth again and I can see what looks to me like the CEJ and a bit of root on 28. I'm brushing carefully but I guess I am still doing it the wrong way. I think the Sonicare made it worse and now I'm going to see a periodontist and hope the money for grafts appears out of thin air. My family had to cancel our health insurance to make rent.
- Applying for jobs and still not getting called back. I scheduled my classes next term to allow me time for a job which will be worth fuckall if nobody hires me. No experience/can't get a job without experience.
- Haven't really picked an educational goal. I would love to go to art school (assuming my apparent apathy problem wouldn't get to me) but I don't have money. Don't want to go into debt for it. It wouldn't result immediately in money or a job unless I get really lucky/work really hard and learn a lot really fast. I should probably learn a trade first.
- Hole in my cheek that makes eating, talking and facial expressions painful. Woohoo.
- I want to dismiss all of my worries as ridiculous but that doesn't solve any problems at all.

I want to work on art but that's hard when you feel bad, I guess. I wish I could be inspired by depression but that just isn't how depression works. Maybe I should find a hobby that doesn't require as much thought so I can just have something to do and get lost in it to forget that I feel bad in such an unproductive way. I'd rather sleep all day but I'm not really capable of it.

/whinewhinewhine

Thanks.